Sojourn

It is difficult for me to feel the presence of God in my life sometimes. I know he is there. I just feel empty and alone sometimes. It is important to count your blessings, stay in the word, and pray. All are important. It is also important to claim his promises and to realize that their is a real life battle for our souls going on where we are unable to see what is really going on around us. Finances continue to be tough, yet at least I am getting a handle on it. I know that the Lord said don't be anxious. So I continue to speak faith into my life and believe he loves me, he has a plan for me, and he will never leave me or forsake me.

Race For The Cure

Amanda came home over the weekend and ran for Breast Cancer. I am very proud of her. She ran with her friends. Marty watched and had a good time being the good step dad. I spent the day teaching preschoolers at Jr Church. Amanda and I made homemade pumchinni bread (pumpkin/zuchinni). Today I was supposed to work but they called me off again. Money is tight but I know the Lord will provide. Pray for me guys. I need to work.

Changes

A day of discovery. Felt good most of the day. Talked with the chaplain about excuses. We make excuses for the failures in life sometimes. Not allowing ourselves to look deep inside to what the real issues are. Do we seek God? Do we hear him speak? Do we follow what he says?
Why do we live without victory?
Jesus spoke to his disciples. " Keep on asking and you will recieve what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you for everyone who asks, recieves. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7)."

Jesus Loves You

Jesus Died on a lonely cross. No one understood him. People hurt him. He was alone. He felt our pain. They hated him. They killed him. Yet, after 3 days in death, the Heavenly Father said arise, and Jesus walked on the earth for many days. His friends saw him dead then they saw him alive. They ran to tell the world. Many would not listen or believe. Those who did believe received eternal life, as we will.

Come to the Father

Before the world began, you were on his mind. Every tear you cried is precious in his sight. Because of his great love, he gave his only son. Everything was done so you would come. Nothing you can do can make him love you more. Nothing that you have done can make him close the door. Come to the Father. Though your gift is small, broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all. The power of his word, The Power of his blood, everything was done so you would come (Hillsong). For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. Those who believe in Him will have everlasting life (John 3:16).Jesus was God’s son. Sent to this earth to live a life without failure. He lived and taught and loved all those he came in contact with, hookers, tax collectors, the handicapped, the depressed, and the crazy folk. He showed the world how to love and he wants to love you.

The Power of God

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it it’s the very power of God… Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God…God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength…God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important (1Corinthians, 1). I believe that my feelings of not being good enough is part of God’s plan for me to realize that it is in his power that I will do all that he has for me.

Robin And Marty

Marty and I at Spirit West Coast Monterey

Water's Edge

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, you who are thirsty. Let me tell you what he has done for me, what he has done for you, what he has done for us. Praise I have got it, for He is good...He is our king, He is our love, He is our God who comes to bring us back to Him...I am earth, He is heaven, I am stained, He is everything clean...From broken earth flowers come (David Crowder Band).

I am a new creation, my past is just a memory, My God is my future. He loves and forgives me. He has forgiven me for things I could not forgive myself. He gives me the strength to be real. To tell you of what He has done for me. As a teenager, like so many others I felt lonely and unloved. The guys I loved never loved me back and I gave away my heart to few. I was hurt again. Inside me I knew God loved me yet I still didn't understand why others did not. If God loved me why did I hurt so much. He spoke to me through song and I sought after Him. Yet drugs and friends, love and life would once again take me away. I did not know that the world did not hold the answers to my loneliness.

Determined

I am determined to speak to those who need to hear of who Jesus Christ is. He has been the lover of my soul, my only refuge, the only one who has stood beside me even in the worst of times. As a child I did not know it was him who gave me a peace and a comfort. He made me feel loved and I was never alone. Now I realize it was my Jesus. I had been hurt by those I called my friends and family never knew. They would have cared but I believed the lies spoken to my heart that I was never good enough and that my being hurt only showed my weakness one I did not want to share with anyone. Who was God? Someone who was in Heaven watching me to make sure I was good. I was hurt, it was not my fault, but who would believe it. Even I did not believe it. Yet He came to me, he dried my tears and he called me friend. I remember even then how much he loved me. Could I love my self?

My Testimony

This is my new start to my testimony. I once was lost, A drug addict and a love addict. I spent so many days in mental and emotional pain. My answer to this pain was to run to anything that would help to numb that pain. Men, drugs, television, and friendships were all to easy for me to run to. I never knew any better. Thinking I was a Christian since I was a little child I have struggled to find my testimony. Where do I fit in? What changed me? I don't know. I am working to find the answers. Was it in my teens when God called me? I don't know. I answered yet I did not obey for long. I ran again. Was it in my twenties when I wanted to die? I wanted to follow Him but I didn't have the strength to stay. Was it in my 30's when terrible tragedy once again fell upon my life. I don't know. I still ran away. Now in my 40's I look back and wonder if I have changed at all. I know I have, yet, do I still run? I'm looking for help to find the right way to testify of what my Jesus has done for me. How do I go on without the answers? God will lead me and I know some of my friends or people who read this can help.